I don't know you or your wife, but I can tell you, when I had enough doubts about the wtbts to substantiate leaving, I was so scared. I kept repeating to myself "where will I go""who else serves Jehovah""I have children and a husband to help live forever". I was physically and psychologically ill thinking about it. I put myself on "full speed ahead". Tried to go to EVERY meeting, dragging 2 children while hubby at home, exhausted from work, and tired of it all. He was already mentally strong enough due to logic, he wasn't worried about God killing him or us. I was TERRIFIED to leave. Thought of all the family and friends I would lose. Spent WHOLE days in study of the bible. Wept. Talked to friends at kh about how they "knew it was the truth". I KNEW I needed to leave. I couldn't bear to put this nonsensical burden on my children. But I was stuck in Watchtower thinking. I even went so far as to ask elders for help and they set up a visit at our home as an "encouraging call". I am so BLESSED my husband with him.I broke his confidence in me. We are very private in what others outside of our marriage hear. This was much turmoil to my soul.I love him so much. At this time, I thought I had to save him. Save our family. I felt like I was watching him die spiritually and there was nothing I could do. I was watching and had to act. It was a last ditch, now or never effort.
He was upset. DESERVEDLY SO. But his love always shines through. He still can't quite understand why I did it. But it is passed. Actually, the visits we have recieved had actually deepened my doubts instead of alleviating them! The elders said some stupid things. Speculating on the scriptures and using them as words of encouragement, but taken way out of context. I too felt like your wife, that if I went to all the meetings and maybe studied harder or went in service and shared good experiences with him,maybe if I had focused on pioneering, I could have saved him.
Instead, he saved me. He supported me and took me to the Circuit assembly just because I felt I needed to go. There, I became upset and disgusted with what they were saying and told him I wanted to leave. Upon his recommendation, we waited until the lunch break so as not to cause a scene. Mind you, I had been harboring serious doubts for over a year. Doubted certain issues longer, but SERIOUS "I want to leave or figure this out" doubts for a year. We spent the rest of the time that weekend (hotel already paid for) visiting local attractions. We even went to the mall and started talking about celebrating xmas the next month. He was so happy. Then I flip-flopped. Guilty conscience. Must save us. Finally, I broke. Avoided meetings, avoided "the friends" as much as possible. Read the bible by myself and asked for holy spirit to guide me. This was like 9-10 months ago. Haven't been back. Get the guilts at time and use logic and this board to bring me back.I am learning how not to let their scare tactics dominate me. Don't give up on her. And don't push. She has to see and make up her own mind.
It was hard for my husband to trust he could open up again with his real feelings. But it is now the happiest our family has ever been. And we are a very loving family anyway. But now we get to see more of each other on meeting nights! It's a rough road. Hold on to each other. Being witnesses wasn't the ONLY reason you got married, right? baby steps my friend. baby steps.
Hope this helped.
